The Homophobic Aunt of a Possibly Gay Son. AKA the saddest question ever.

Your Question I can’t let go of a grudge towards my sister in law. We have had our ups and downs over the last 20 years, primarily good times. I was deeply offended by a comment that she made to me regarding my son. I confided in her that I thought that one of my sons might be gay. Needless, to say she went on to express to me how I should enter him into therapy because if he chose that lifestyle for himself he would burn in hell. I was astounded by the comment. My husband wants me to let it go, but I really do not want my son to be around her. How should I handle the situation?

[No picture, because I'm not having any images that imply gay = hell on this blog]

the advicist
I’m generally against grudges. I don’t think they achieve much, they just keep fuelling anger within you, in then end only hurting yourself.

However. I have absolutely no time for:

1) Homophobes

2) People who identify as Christians, but forget that, in Christianity, they are not the ones in charge of Judgement.

So I am on your side in this. This isn’t a grudge. This is not standing for discrimination.

You confided in her, and she rewarded that with nastiness.

It doesn’t actually matter if your son is gay. The point is, if he were, she would judge him harshly. And that means she doesn’t love him as much as she thinks she does, or else she would accept him for who he is.

Also, I couldn’t answer a letter on Christianity and homophobia without referencing Just Because He Breathes, one of the most powerful (and upsetting) things I have ever read on the subject. I hope your sister-in-law finds it in her heart to love ALL people, just because they breathe.

So, as for what to do next, I’d probably send her that article. I don’t think there’s anything any of us can say that’s more powerful than that.

And I agree with you, I would not want my son around her. I think you have to take a stand on this. Not just because if your son is gay, he needs you on his side. But because all people facing this kind of discrimination need us all on their side, regardless.

Also, google ‘It Gets Better’. What an amazing campaign. If your son is gay, I hope you will be ready to share it with him when it’s appropriate.


2 Responses to 'The Homophobic Aunt of a Possibly Gay Son. AKA the saddest question ever.'

  1. Andrew says:

    Your statement “People who identify as Christians, but forget that, in Christianity, they are not the ones in charge of Judgement.” is incredible. Perfectly succinct!

    • The Advicist says:

      Thanks Andrew. I really find (Christian) religiously motivated homophobia the worst, it’s like they missed…the whole point of the Bible.

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