My Daughter Hates Her Father

Question: My daughter and her dad don’t get along and it has caused one problem after another. She doesn’t even want me and her dad to be around each other.

Our home life is really suffering, and she doesn’t go to school and hasn’t tried to get a job and she will be 18 pretty soon. What can be said and done about this?

the relationship is broken

my honest answer: Why don’t they get along? Is there anything specific that causes them to fall out? Have you asked each of them?

Why doesn’t she want you to be around each other? I can understand she doesn’t like him. But if she gets on with you, what is her objection to him that makes her not even want you to be with each other?

As for the school and the job, hmmm. In my day (sorry, it had to happen sooner or later), I had two choices: Get a job, or move out.

The thing is, that ultimatum worked because my mother never made an empty threat. She said it, and and I was straight down at an employment agency.

Looking back, would she have thrown me out? Probably not. But would she have let me stay home with no job? No, she wouldn’t.

I can’t suggest that as a solution to your problems though, because unless you have been setting a lot of boundaries and always upholding them, it’s hard to start with something so big. Threats only ever work if you have a history of meaning what you say. Do you?

So all of that to say, I don’t really have much to offer in the way of help on this one, sorry.

Is there any more information you can come back to me with about why they don’t get on?

Or do any readers have any suggestions for solving the school / work problem? I’m kinda stumped on this one.

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8 Responses to 'My Daughter Hates Her Father'

  1. a fan says:

    Sounds like there’s way too much going on with that family for any meaningful advice based on what she submitted. It also sounds like this mother might be a total pushover and needs some help of her own in getting her act together and being a parent to the daughter. The answer is not even necessarily school or a certain job, but the solution is never to not do anything.

    • my honest answer says:

      Always nice too see you in the comments and you’re speaking much sense as always! I totally agree on the answer not being nothing.

  2. TGreat says:

    Agreed; too many unknowns to give much helpful advice. Mom needs to question the daughter and the dad to try to discover the reason for the animosity. Honest answers will provide the correct course of action for all involved. It is much better to figure all this out NOW rather than 40 years later.

  3. Anonymous says:

    I agree, there really isn’t enough info. to go by and the mother needs to ask her daughter why she is so against the father.

    The daughter needs to give a valid reason why she doesn’t want her mother around the father. If there’s going to be a resolution then the daughter really needs to provide honest answers to what’s really going on.

    • The Advicist says:

      Yep, the daughter needs to be honest. But she’ll only do that if she is *asked*, and also if she thinks she is going to be listened to. A hard situation, for sure.

  4. Keep Smiling says:

    I agree, there really isn’t enough info. to go by and the mother needs to ask her daughter why she is so against the father.

    The daughter needs to give a valid reason why she doesn’t want her mother around the father. If there’s going to be a resolution then the daughter really needs to provide honest answers to what’s really going on.

  5. Anonymous says:

    If your daughter doesn’t want to go to school or get a job, it sounds like she’s a lazy piece of crap. If her father doesn’t physically or verbally abuse her, then I would also say she is a spoiled brat. Time for you Mom to step up to the plate and have a meeting “jesus” moment with her.

Do you have any advice to give? We always love to hear different ideas.

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