How do I Become More than a Fallback Girl?

question: How do I become more than a Fallback Girl?

my honest answer: So, you’re someone’s fallback girl, and you want to know how you can become more.

Whilst we’re here: Does everyone know what a fallback girl is? It’s a girl who a guy (usually a popular, good-looking one) keeps ‘in reserve’. Someone that they will call when they are sad or lonely, for a bit of an ego-boost, but whom they will cast aside as soon as someone else comes along.

A fallback girl will wait patiently in the wings, desperate for the call that the guy needs her. She feels special because he always ends up calling on her. Usually to complain about his love life. This makes her feel special. He confides in her! But what he doesn’t do, is ever commit to anything beyond this back-and-forth.

He will throw just enough crumbs of affection her way to keep her thinking she has a chance. To keep her dreaming, hanging on, and waiting for the moment he realizes she was the one all along!

So, I’m going to have to burst this bubble.

It will never happen.

If he liked you, he’d be with you.

If he cared about you, he’d stop messing you around.

And even if there were a magic formula to get you in a relationship with him, you shouldn’t want to be in that relationship anyway, because he treats people badly.

The guy who has a fallback girl (and actually, many of them have a few), needs his ego-constantly stroking. Even if you did go out with him, he would still flirt with every girl he saw. He would still talk to them, and ignore you, because he’s the kind of guy who likes the thrill of the chase.

In fact, you would likely just be getting an upgrade from fallback girl who has to drop everything the moment he calls with another emotional crisis, to a kind of indentured servant where you cook and clean for him, whilst he goes out to clubs and enjoys the attention of other women (when you just wanted to stay home and snuggle!).

So, not only is there no way to guarantee you can become ‘more’ than a fallback girl, if you acheived it, you’d likely be miserable then too. Because he won’t start treating you well just because he’s your girlfriend.

In fact, since being in a relationship will make him thing the wooing period is over, he may even start to treat you worse. Wheras he might not let down a date at short notice, he probably wouldn’t hesitate to do that do his girlfriend. She’ll understand, right?

Most people treat people well, or they treat people badly. A few particularly damaged individuals divide out ‘us’ and ‘them’, and treat their people well, and everyone else badly. But generally, people are either respectful of other people’s time, feelings and wellbeing, or they are not.

If he has proved thus far that he is not, there is no reason to expect he’ll change once you’re in a relationship. But more than that, you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. I promise.


2 Responses to 'How do I Become More than a Fallback Girl?'

  1. Karolina says:

    Great advice!

    I will give the example of one of my friends that illustrates this miserable situation as a cautionary tale.

    My friend started dating this guy her freshmen year of university. They dated about a year and a half, but he was totally immature. He had bad grades and had to transfer to a different school, though still within a half-hour car ride from her. They broke up amicably, but decided to stay friends. She was still clearly in love with him. He would call her, confide in her, brag about the number of girls he slept with. He’d come (much more often than when they were together), she would cook for him and hope he’ll get back. Then he stopped coming, he just called and she’d drive to see HIM. This went on for almost two years. Countless interventions from her friends were useless. She has a lot of work (she’s in med school), but she still did her best to serve his emotional and culinary needs. Then, three months ago, they were allegedly “back together”. She cooked, he went to parties he wouldn’t take her to. About six weeks ago, she insisted on going with him. At the party, he spend most of the time flirting with other girls. Then some other girl came and made him a scene. Turns out she too was his girlfriend. Finally, my friend saw what an asshole of a parasite the dude was. She broke up with him and had no contact with him ever since. But it took over four years of her life to get rid of the SOB.

    So, OP, please loose contact with the dude, he’s clearly not worth the trouble.

    • my honest answer says:

      Thank goodness she finally saw him for who he was! He fits this description perfectly, wow, what a cliche.

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