what to do, what to do.
My fiancé and I were going to elope in 2017. Reasons for the
-finish paying his child support
-get some funds behind us and not dip into our mortgage
-parents aren’t paying
-lose more weight (already lost 40kg)
-have a tummy tuck
-look like a beautiful bride
-OMG where do I start?
-Don’t want to offend the ones I don’t want to invite
-His mother has a way with words and we “HAD” to invite certain
unrelated people to our very small engagement party
-Our Engagement party was full of children (3 children per single
parent) we catered our engagement party around so many children (lunch
time barefoot bowls) instead of an evening of elegance and couture
-Children will not even care or understand why I am wearing white, but
how do you NOT invite them without offending the parents (your
-We asked his 15 yr old daughter to take photos during the engagement
party, she disappointed us. There were no photos. She was only
interested in her facebook, texting and ipod with earphones.
-His mother has told us his neice wants to be my bridesmaid. Cute
right? and said she couldn’t coz I already have 5 bridesmaids. Errrr
I haven’t chosen anyone yet and she already had my 5 picked out!!!
What the hell?
-My parent paid for my sisters wedding, but wont pay for mine. They
say because they are retired. I get that. But funny how I had to pay
double the amount of board than my sister. Sense a feeling of
-His Brother in law and sister are feuding with rest of the family.
BIL is a complete asshat.
-have lots of acquaintances and only a handful of close friends
So anyway, somewhere along the line, we decided when the time comes,
we will invite both parents only so they can see us get married (its
my first marriage)
Plans have now been thrown out of kilter. My dad has been diagnosed
with cancer. He is rapidly deteriorating. He wont be able to travel to
the destination in mind (Australia to Hawaii), nor will he around in
2017 let alone be able to walk me down the isle.
Im not ready financially, physically and am time poor to organise a
I only want to be married once, and I want it to be perfect.
This quickie wedding wont be “what I want”, but will be done just
for my dad.
What to do, What to do….
Got any suggestions?
Firstly, let me say that I am so so sorry to hear about your Dad’s illness. It’s a terrible disease for everyone involved. Hugs.
Now I’m going to be real with you. There are two facts: you want your Dad to be there (of course you do). You’re Dad won’t be able to be there much longer.
So you have only one option: you plan the best wedding you can, under the time constraints you have.
It is not fair. I know that. But it is what it is. Fighting it will only lead to sorrow and regrets.
My solution would be for you to have the small wedding you envisaged – just your fiance and yourself, and both sets of parents, but locally instead of at a destination.
I would hope your extended family and in-laws would understand given the circumstances, but if you worry they won’t, invite your four guests out for lunch, and spring the ceremony on them on the day. Kind of cruel, but if it needs to be done, oh well.
There are a few more things I need to address, even though I think they are kind of red herrings given the circumstances with your Dad.
1) The tummy tuck.
Seriously? Seriously?! Either you haven’t been reading for long, or I’m doing a bad job of making my feelings known. Here we go, THINGS THAT ARE NOT REQUIRED TO GET MARRIED:
– An engagement ring, diamond, large, small, sparkly or otherwise
– A trim waistline
– A big fancy dress
– A big fancy car
– Anything that you can proceed with the words ‘big’ and ‘fancy’.
– Bridesmaids / Groomsmen
All you need are two people, legally entitled to be married, and wanting so to do, and a person who, legally wherever you are, can make that happy, plus whatever other legal requirements need to be met in your jurisdiction (banns, licenses, fees, witnesses etc).
I’m not saying many of the above aren’t nice. I’m not saying your a bad person for wanting them.
I’m saying if you and your fiance want to be married, and you want your Dad to be there, get on with it. I’m sure he couldn’t give a flying f*ck how much you weigh, in comparison to the thought of not being there to witness it.
2) Your step-daughter.
She’s 15. Seeing a parent remarry can be a very hard time. Cut her some slack. I think you were naive and kind of imposing to give her the responsibility of the pictures given that you obviously cared about them. If you were making up a non-job to make her feel important, well again, she’s 15, not 8. If you thought you would get a free photographer out of it, that’s a lot of pressure to put on a 15 year old. If you just thought she’d enjoy it because she loves a selfie, but you misjudged the situation, ok. It’s not going to be your last error as a step-parent.
Because you know that’s what you’re signing up for, right? I know the child support part is going to end, but I hope to god the actual ‘support’ part doesn’t. She’s not just a court order that needs paying off, SHE’S A CHILD, A HUMAN BEING. I’m hoping you have a profound understanding of that, and it was simply lost in the bullet point.
Again, I really am sorry about your Dad. This is going to be a difficult time. But you will end up married to a wonderful man, and a beach holiday in 2017 might be a great way to celebrate and recuperate. Whether you lose the weight, or not.