I hate being ignored by my sister in law and mother in law. Me and my husband have been together for 14 married for 9 and have 2 daughters. My one sister-in-law was going through a separation with her husband but they ended up staying together.
During those 5 years I promise you it seemed like she was using my oldest as a security blanket. I don’t mind my daughters having sleepovers but I want to enjoy them on weekends also even if we’re just sitting in the house. Btw sleepovers have dramatically decreased since her husband is back in the picture.
At one point she was picking up my daughter not asking us but asking my daughter who was what 7-8-9 at the time and just taking her for sleepovers. I got fed up so the next time she had asked to have her I told my husband no because we had church the next morning at 9:30 and its just a pain. I like to leave to church as a family not wait till one gets dropped off and so on. Oh no she flipped she was crying. She called me up and was like how could you do that you know I’ll do anything for my nieces they’re like my DAUGHTERS. ..and at one point all I said was that well they’re my daughters. She didn’t like that too much I mean they are (mind you she can’t have any of her own).
We have a small birthday celebration every year for her. How about when my birthday came around nothing was mentioned to me especially when she’s always on FB and I guess that day she wasn’t or when they paid and took my daughters on vacation but couldn’t tell me what time they were coming back she kept saying oh I dunno I have to check my email that was my fault though even though they paid for it they’re my daughters.
We’re not close but we’re not mean to each other most of the time I don’t address the many other things that happen but for the sake of peace I don’t say anything. I guess i’m looking for acceptance and approval in a perfect world I wish we could get along more and that my sil, mil would stop thinking the world revolves around them. My husband isn’t their servant anymore.
Humour me a moment. Let’s do a little experiment. Sit back and re-read your letter, now you haven’t seen it for a few days. Read it slowly. Tell me what you think.
Because I was kind of with you, until I got to the aside, ‘Mind you, she can’t have any of her own’.
1) Could you be any more condescending about it.
2) Wow, heartless.
Maybe she is closer with your daughters because, sadly, she is unable to have children. Or maybe not.
But either way, let’s try to have a little love and understanding, huh? The woman clearly enjoys the company of children… and yet she cannot have any. Since you clearly love parenting, I would think you could muster up jsut a little EMPATHY for that situation.
I’m not saying she should pick your kid up without asking (EVER. That is not acceptable to me). I’m not even saying you ‘owe’ her lots of time with your kids. I am saying you OWE HER SOME COMPASSION when you speak of what she has dealt with, and the circumstances she is in.
As for everything else. One word: Boundaries. Get some, stick to them.
If you don’t want her picking your daughter up without asking you first, clearly and calmly say so. She won’t suddenly realise this is unacceptable unless you tell her.
No need to be mean, or snarky, just clearly communicate what you expect and hold her to it.
Oh, and once you’re over 10 years old, it’s ridiculous to complain about not getting a birthday party. And especially to then cry, ‘But she got one!’. If you feel she doesn’t appreciate the party you throw for her, don’t throw it again. If you are just throwing one for her, so she will throw one for you (and then you can or do get upset when she doesn’t) GROW THE HELL UP.
Actually, that kind of sums up my answer. Grow some compassion and grow up.
(I will give you some points for often getting on with things without making a fuss for the sake of the peace. You clearly have a modicum more maturity than I have been giving you credit for).