I am 23 years old male, I like this girl in college that i want to talk to and see where things go.
The problem is she’s not my friend and she’s not in my class so it’s almost impossible to initiate contact or have an excuse to talk routinly.
I am just asking is it okay to just text her or catch her on facebook telling her i want to see her,or that i think i like her and want to make a date….?
i know about her enough that i am confident that if i approache her in the correct way she will surely agree to go for a date.I am just not sure how should i do this.the situation is fragile and i don’t want to freak her out or make a wrong impression about myself as she doesn’t know me that well and she’ll be surprised or suspecious i asked her because I’ve been around her long time ago and never showed interest in her what so ever untill now.
I know that asking her out on internet sounds cheesy,but she’s my first girl that i ask out in my life, so on person i might become cold feet, clumsy, and start babbling,which is an advantage for facebook that i can organize my thoughts and will be more confident even if i speak spontaneously which what i tend to always be.
Firstly, I feel for you. Approaching people, especially when they can reject you, is a scary thing to do.
But my first thought is: if you don’t know her well enough to talk to her:
- What makes you “confident that if i approache her in the correct way she will surely agree to go for a date”? How have you got that impression when you don’t know her to talk to?
- How do you know you like her and want to go out with her? This may just be a lusty-crush, for want of a better description. Most true romances come out of knowing someone a tiny bit, and wanting to know more. And more. And more. And that has to start with something, and it has to be mutual. If you don’t know her well enough to talk to her… I’m not sure you know her well enough to fall for her on anything more than a superficial level.
Asking her on the internet could go one of two ways. Yes, it could give you the time to sort out your thoughts, and word things perfectly. But that could also contribute to making you look creepy. A message from someone, out of the blue, who you’ve never really spoken to, asking you out? I don’t want to be harsh, but as a woman, I can tell you, that can come across as creepy.
Now a guy approaching you in person, can definitely come across as creepy too. But there is much less chance of that, because it looks more conversational, less stalkerish. And babbling? Trust me, that can be very cute.
Tips for talking to her:
- Do it in a busy place. Don’t wait until she leaves her friends and walks off alone, that may make her uncomfortable, and definitely can come across as creepy.
- Just start with small talk. ‘Great lecture!’, ‘nice weather’ or ‘I read that book! It’s great / bad / boring’. Try not lead with anything about her looks. That can come across as creepy too. A neutral subject – class you’ve been to, book she’s carrying etc is a good place to start.
I hope this might help. And I hope you don’t take all my ‘don’t be creepy advice’ the wrong way. It’s just, when you don’t know a girl that well, but you know you want to date her, that can come across that way. You’re a nice guy, I just want to make sure she sees that. Good luck!