I’ve recently gotten into a new relationship . I trust my new boyfriend and all but he still talks to his ex. I mean I posted on his facebook a picture saying I miss you baby and he commented I miss you too babygirl! And his ex liked what he commented. Now should I be worried about this? Should I tell him to stop talking to her or not? I’m so confused.
Oh, it’s like you guys don’t even read this website. We all know what I think about Facebook? Don’t we? Surely we do! I think it’s fun. I also think it’s a waste of time. But if you’ve got the time to waste, and you’re not, say, skipping work or ignoring your spouse, why would I care how you spend your time? Do what you want. But don’t come to me complaining about what people do or don’t do about your boring status updates and photos. Because you know what? Even your Facebook friends barely care, I really don’t care. You cannot judge people, or relationships, by Facebook.
Now you certainly can judge people who are being dicks. By that I mean people who:
- Only use Facebook to complain. About boyfriends, or co-workers, or traffic, or public transport running late. They are boring whingers, and they are even less interesting in person than they are online.
- People who only use Facebook to brag. There is a fine line between showing your best side, and straight up old-fashioned bragging.
That aside, you cannot judge someone’s actual life from their facebook page or interactions. Nor can you judge their motives in contacting your boyfriend. Maybe they are just friendly! Maybe they want him back! It’s really hard to tell. So, long story short, I have no idea if she’s trying to get him back. But… SHOCKER! That’s not what matters. What matters is does HE want to be gotten back. Sure, you could tell him to stop talking to her. But I think that would be pointless. He either likes her like that or he doesn’t. He is either committed to you, or he isn’t. You can either trust him, or you can’t.
You can’t just trust him around certain people. That isn’t trust at all; that’s control.
If they were left alone in a room together, would you trust him not to fall for her advances (assuming, hypothetically, that she is making some, because I am far from convinced of this)? If not, I would suggest that you cannot trust him. But emphasis on the YOU. YOU don’t trust him. That is totally different from him being untrustworthy. But it is also all that matters when you are in a relationship with someone. If you can’t trust him, you need to walk away. Either because:
- Your gut is right, and he is not worthy of your trust. Or
- You’re the jealous type, and he doesn’t need that.
If, on the other hand, you find it hard to trust anyone, that’s something you need to work on. Because you’re never going to experience genuine closeness without it, and because no-one wants to be stuck with someone who is questioning them (even silently) all the time. Seriously, if you can’t trust anyone, you need to work that through, with a qualified professional, before you start entangling yourself with other people. If you do the work, you will thank me for it.